STOP Your Cowardly Conversations

Shortly after we recently moved into our dream home, one of our incredibly wonderful new neighbors said to me, “Sorry about all the rain” — as though she were somehow culpable for precipitation and had personally ruined any chance I had for happiness. Stop saying you’re sorry unless you’ve intentionally or accidentally hurt someone or broken something.

BUT

But is used to negate what was previously stated. It only becomes cowardly when you make a strong statement and then qualify or back off your message by adding but. A good example is, “You did a good job on this project, but I need you to start focusing on this other project.” That sounds like a rebuke instead of a compliment. Contrast that with this: “You did a good job on this project, AND now I need you to start focusing on this other project.” That’s a much more positive message with the same information.

SORRY, BUT

If you really want to sound weak, you can use my favorite horror-evoking equivocation, Sorry but, as in “Sorry, but you weren’t selected for the team.” Few combinations of words sound less sincere than sorry, but. If you actually hoped the person were going to be selected, you can say something like, “I feel really sad that you weren’t selected for the team.” That’s much more empathetic, and in this case there’s nothing to be sorry for.  If you’re really  not sorry, just cut to the chase with something like, “We appreciate your application; however, you were not selected for the team.”

HOPEFULLY

Stop eroding your audience’s confidence in you, and stop equivocating by using the word hopefully in contexts like this: “Hopefully, we can get this project done by next Wednesday.”  Instead say, “We will complete this project by next Wednesday.” If your audience perceives risks to a completion date, then discuss the risks clearly and boldly. Your objective in these conversations is to communicate competently and responsibly. Hopefully suggests that elves may come out at night and miraculously complete or derail this project.

TO ME and the dreaded I MIGHT BE WRONG BUT

Stop starting your sentences with To me or I might be wrong, but….  That’s hedging at it’s best (or worst!). When you start sentences with expressions like these, you show that you don’t have confidence in what you are about to say, and they allow you to back off your opinion.  When you say, “I might be wrong, but I think the plan will work,” the unstated conclusion is, “. . . but who am I to say.”

SOON

I had a home project in mind that I was really excited about.  When my husband told me that he’d be ready to help me soon, I realized he wasn’t as committed to the project as I was. When is soon? Later today, tomorrow, next week, next year?  Come on, Michael! Give me a specific day and time that I can expect you to build that back deck onto our house.

MAYBE

I was working with a client, and we were creating with exceptional strategies for how that client would increase revenue. I was pumped, and then he said, “Maybe I can make this work.” Come on! Are you going to make it work or not? When you say maybe, you are already eroding your chances of success.  Failure lives in the Land of Maybe–stop living there!  Success lives in the Land of Yes and No.

MIGHT

When you say things like, “I might get that report to you Monday,” are people supposed to sit around waiting for you. Either you’re delivering the report Monday, or you’re not. Stop using the word might as a safety net so that if you fail, you can say, “I didn’t promise.”  How unfair is that?

I always proofread my writing to eliminate hedging. I am a confident, competent person, and I want others to understand that. I wish I could edit my conversations as well, but we are so used to hearing (and formerly saying) these equivocal statements that they may slip in without our even realizing it. However, now that you (and I) are more aware of them, we can do better at eliminating them and creating powerful conversations.

To Your Abundance,

Beth Strange

www.BethStrange.com

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